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Glaen shares a number of lies and countering truths about marriage, romance, and relationships in general. I’ll share a few of these from time to time. Here’s a very strategic one:

Lie #3
If you will follow the right process, you
will be guaranteed a good marriage.

Why is this helpful? Well, simply put, it keeps you away from the temptation to manipulate others. Think about it…do you like to be controlled? Nor do I (or your boyfriend /girlfriend/etc. Control is largely a function of being afraid of outcomes we’ve ‘imagined’ will happen. This is a lot of the motivation behind trying to force behavior in kids (we want them to turn out OK). Yet, this is also why we feel treated like ‘kids’ by others…and they are only doing it for our own good :-)

Relationships are destroyed because people are trying to force things to work. When you are busy forcing change or behaviors you think will ‘help’— you are actually getting far away from the good principles that will lead you along.

You might as well face it (apologies to Robert Palmer)…your addicted to control.

But this will mostly go away if you can just own up to the fact that you really don’t know the future! You can’t guarantee it. You can’t force it to happen. But, what you can do is learn to live wisely. Inviting change and co-work on the relationship is wise. Making the other person behave right…is stupid (if you want a real relationship).

It really is that simple. People don’t stay in relationships where they are controlled all the time, though they will stay in a relationship if they think they are the one doing the controlling.

Just give up on knowing the future for the next week…and watch the delight in your life as you chill in your relating.

Grace,

Fred Lybrand

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