Greetings,
One of the essentials explored in GLAEN is about the two things you need for a complete love relationship. Now, I know there are arranged marriages around the world that work just fine…but I’m talking about when you decide, make a choice, commit. Also, some of you reading this just need to tuck the info away for ‘someday’— if you are not about to get married, then you are being a little silly working on it now. Let’s face it, you don’t study for your finals at the beginning of the semester, do you?
But, when it’s time, how do you know it’s the right one? Well, credit to Robert Fritz especially, but a relationship needs two thing:
1. Chemistry
2. Basis
I remember Josh McDowell used to say that you shouldn’t marry someone you can live with, but someone you can’t live without. Well, that could overstate it, but you really should LIKE the other person. You should be attracted. They should ‘do it’ for you— you know, be someone who doesn’t totally gross you out! CHEMISTRY, however, isn’t the whole ball of wax. In fact, isn’t that what most people do…obsess on someone they find exciting? You know, if all you have is chemistry, then love will be misunderstood as simply the feelings of a moment. Chemistry alone will just tempt you to move from person-to-person. And, frankly, there’s nothing lasting in that! [Warning...I believe if the chemistry is too much, meaning you completely lose your mind and would do anything to get their love, then it really IS NOT a match. In this situation the chemistry is a home-made bomb that will likely never let you be your true self on the way to blowing everything up! For a sad example see the story of a lady getting surgery to look like Jessica Alba to win back her boyfriend]
The second thing you need to know for a Great Love Affair (again, when it is time for one) is BASIS.
The basis for a relationship has to do with Building a Life together. A basis is about things like values and worldview. What matter to you? Do you want to live in the country or a city? Big town or little town? What are your religious beliefs? What about having children? How about standards of living, job commitments, etc.? These are really questions about deal-killers. Face it, if you are a committed Christian then marrying an Islamic Fundamentalist or an Atheist probably isn’t going to work. How could it?
Those may sound like extremes, but here’s a simple insight for you:
If it is something that is so important to you that you won’t compromise, then it is a deal-killer.
Of course, why build a life of compromise? Why not find someone with whom you have both chemistry and basis? Look, you get who you get…and trying to change them is the last thing they want from you!
To learn more….Read GLAEN
Blessings,
Fred Lybrand
P.S. Amazon starts shipping GLAEN on February 16, 2009
I remember wondering…. do I want a country guy, or a city guy! I remember wondering “how can I tell if he’s the one”? I remember marrying him anyway, and today, I’m wondering… will Glaen be of any help? I so much needed a Glaen way back then… maybe it’s not too late…
Marie-Beatrice,
You are so not alone. And, in my experience it is rarely too late. Usually love is buried not erased.
The key to the principles in Glaen has to do with two people learning how to connect as who they really are rather than trying to control one another in to being who the ‘should’ be.
My hope is that with a really readable story and a lot of fresh information…new choices can arise for everyone.
Funny, but even beyond marriage we find Glaen sriking a nerve (say in friendships).
The most common thing I hear from parents is, “I wish I had known this back then!” Well, we can start informing the next generation…it’s about time.
God bless,
Fred Lybrand
Fred,
I just finished your book and will be reviewing it on my blog this week. It is a must read for any parents of kids or planning on having kids. They need to read this. I posed a great question to both my oldest daughter, 16, and my nephew, 17 that if a book existed that offered you advice on how to make a relationship succeed without all the pain of breakups and heartaches, would you read it?
They both replied, without a doubt! Then I posed another question and asked if you read it would you follow it?
A longer pause. But they both agreed that if sadness and heartache could be avoided they would gladly read and apply the principles of the book.
Later that night, I handed my daughter the book Glaen and told her to read it and let me know what she thinks. It’s opened us both up to some great communication now that she is dating and not sure if this is the right one.
She is seeing insights into this book I didn’t being married that she does dating and she can’t put it down. She said she is probably going to feel really sad when it ends because she will want more.
She is also looking at handing the book down on to another friend going through a break up right now to hopefully help prevent mistakes from occurring again.
I think you did an amazing job at this book and one that anyone who is announcing they are thinking of dating or even getting engaged should read. Well done and I can’t wait to see if you decide to write another one.
I look forward to your imput on my book review on April 21st at http://godsheart-heart2heart.blogspot.com and would love to know if you would be interested in giving away a copy of your book? Looking forward to hearing from you soon!
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
Kat,
How touching and encouraging…in all honesty, I think your comments here are even better than your comments on your blog!
The power of your two questions may now be mine
…but I’ll sure give you credit as often as I can!
God bless you,
Fred
P.S. I hope you don’t mind if I quote you.
Fred,
You have my permission to use anything you need. Feel free to take what you need from either source. So far, I can add that my daughter has been reading it and can’t put it down.
She said that is already has changed her current relationship she is in and would really love it if people could be honest and truthful in their relationships without judging. Ah what a refreshing insight.
Not only that, she is sharing this book and what she has learned at her high school and impacting the lives of the girls and their love lives there.
When her friends recently had a sleep over, she was reading them the book and they were amazed at how simple things like dating and courting, which they thought would absolutely work, didn’t in some.
Thank you, thank you from the parent of a 16 year old and an upcoming 12 year old daughter’s that this book may help prevent some of the heartache and trauma of dating before marriage that it brings, if only they are willing to apply the principles 100%!
Here’s hoping that you continue this book in a sequel of some sorts and thanks for the feedback on my blog post. Would love to have your feedback there as well!
Love and Hugs ~ Kat